It is obvious that I get frustrated when I run slower than my average. Actually, I just realized now that I am frustrated because there are people who are just blessed with the speed, and I hate this pity feeling that I have with myself when I've known the training they have done.
Who are these people? Genetically blessed people who don't run that often and still get faster speeds than me. I know I should remember not to compare but I personally love this sport, why do they go faster? And i run as often and my speed just wouldn't budge a bit higher than my average.
It is frustrating seriously, I am reaching a plateau where I can run and then not feel. the difference anymore. I recently bought two new books to feed this frustration.
Usually, if it is this long, I'd give up already. Given my schedule, my family, my social life and everything, I really could just drop this thing off. It's not working.
Well, there's still this little voice saying "no, don't give up". A friend told me, don't mind them, and this book I am reading is saying the same. I wanted to cry because of this frustration and I feel like I am doing what I can but it's never enough and I hate that feeling. It's enough to just make me quit.
I am currently writing this, because I don't want to quit. Seriously. But I wanted to improve so baaaad, but I don't know if I am doing it right. I am losing motivation to attain it.
Anyway, I will try to put these negative feelings aside and lay out plans to make me improve. What are these things?
1. Follow a training plan - So, I bought two books, and the first one had a feasible training plan for 16weeks (I think) and I'll try to do it religiously, again, try. I did it for the first week and I felt different, I just can't do the tempo run but I will still try and try and try until I get it right.
2. Lose weight - I admit, I've gained weight, (about 64kgs again) so, I have to return to 60 kg in order for me to run faster with less impact on my thighs and feet.
3. Increase my core strength - Yes, I have been telling this a couple of times but I could only do these core exercises on weekends. It seems, it doesn't work. So, I'll try to squeeze in some of these during weekdays.
4. Run by myself - or if it is with someone. He/she should be willing to help. This is to not compare myself with others, I repeat, I am frustrated with myself because of these "blessed" people. I have to accept everything but still train hard in order for me to gain the glory of having to beat my fuckin PR.
5. Swim or Bike - I love doing these two better than running I tell ya. I just couldn't find a place and a bike to do this. I swam earlier and I loved it. As I was reading these books, they are recommending both sports for cross training. I love running mind you, and I wanted it to work by doing other things that I love to make running work better for me.
I want to run for the love of it not because of competition. I just couldn't help it sometimes, but I have to always remind myself why I am running. I just hate seeing their faces when they learn my time, and they know how often I run and yet, it just doesn't show on the day of the race. I hate it seriously. That is why I thought of item number 4.
But you know, you can't prevent them from running these races, they will always be there. I want to just get past this and focus. This frustration usually feeds the little motivation I have left and train some more. I also thought by principle, if the same things happen (my running time), it means I am not doing anything new and we have to make some differences in what we do in order for me to improve.
I feel a bit better now. I guess being at peace with yourself by writing does wonders to one's sanity. I hope I really really get better in terms of performance, and I hope I stay focused in making that possible.
Good night.
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